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Since I was a little girl, I’ve always loved writing. Now, at age 44 I’ve finally become a true writer. Not just little poems and songs but full-on books. Even a series! It’s truly been a dream come true, but it hasn’t been easy. See, I suffer from chronic depression. It has been the thorn in my side for a good part of my adult life.
The best way I can describe this depression is like a fog that weighs in heavily upon the mind, making it very difficult to navigate and process. Days of clarity are few and far between. Most days I have to literally push through this fog just to even get out of bed. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve woken in the morning with a groan and not wanting to get up. The very idea of having to DO anything often exhausts me.
It sounds futile, doesn’t it? Let me assure you that it’s not. I’ve learned to fight, and I’ve found things that have helped me to have better days. Vitamins have been a huge factor to play into this. It’s been a lot of trial and error, but I’ve finally found a regiment that works for me. For me I’ve found I need vitamins B, C, D, E and Potassium. I’m currently looking into seeing if I need more iron as well. It’s taken a very long time for me to learn what my body needs.
Another thing I’ve found to help me fight through this depression is rest and relaxation. I’m almost always stressing over something. I’m a total worry wart. This seems a bit strange coming from an optimist. Though I think being an optimist has been another thing that’s helped me to fight the depression. I always try to see the best in everything. I have learned that I need time to myself as well. It’s an absolute must if I want to function at all. Most of the time I escape to my SheShed for some alone time. There I either work on a hobby or take that time to write if the mood allows it.
So what does all of this have to do with writing? The depression is the number one factor in my struggle to write. Almost every time I sit down to write I must push through that mental fog just so I can get the words out. Some days I wind up not writing anything. Some days I only get in a hundred words or two. But then there are those days that the words just flow, and I’ll end up with up to five thousand words! I treasure those days!
No matter what my word count is, however, I strive to not beat myself up. On the days I don’t get any writing done I encourage myself by saying that tomorrow is another day. On the days I only get a few words written I encourage myself by saying that every word counts. And on those days where the words flow freely? I celebrate! See, the one thing I can’t do is beat myself up or see myself as a failure because when I do that it sends me down a horrible spiral where the depression wins. And I simply can’t let that happen!
If you are someone who suffers from chronic depression or depression of any kind, please be kind to yourself. Give yourself the grace you need to get through it. And always remember that every day you get out of bed and face the day is a victory. It’s a day that you’ve won. So, hang in there and continue to pursue your dreams.